The Consequences of Being Loved by Severus Snape
by digitaljungle80
Summary: Severus will do anything to protect Lily, no matter the price either of them has to pay.


It was another night where she was calling his name in between sobs. Another sleepless night for both of them. His eyes were wide, staring at the door, and he knew she was on the other side. There was a slight crack at the bottom where he could see her shadow peeking from underneath. He gripped the sheets tighter and shut his eyes.

_Severus Snape stood alone before Voldemort in a sitting room at Malfoy Manor, the pain from the Dark Mark on his arm ebbing away. He knew the Dark Lord was searching for the meaning of the Prophecy he had overheard. Severus and a handful of other Death Eaters had met with him on a few occasions to discuss it; even though Severus had not been out of Hogwarts long, others envied him for how quickly he rose through the ranks at the Voldemort's behest._

_"Severus," he hissed. "What do you know about our friends James and Lily Potter?_

He imagined her dark red hair matted against her forehead that beaded with sweat. She was begging him to open the door. Her cries were melodramatic and overwrought, but there was an urgency to them that frightened him. However, he was more afraid of what he would do to her if he let her in.

_Severus blocked his mind with ease. "I was in their year at Hogwarts. They were in Gryffindor. Potter was an arrogant Quidditch player. Evans excelled at Charms and the two of us were top in Potions."_

_The Dark Lord smirked. "That's it? Mulciber and Avery stated that you had a friendship with 'Evans,' as you call her. And that she was a Mudblood. A fact you once vocally reminded her about in front of many classmates."_

_Severus's expression remained stony but he swallowed. "Yes. That happened in our fifth year." He paused before choosing his next words. "I don't mean to offend, my lord, but may I ask what this is about?_

"Why are you doing this?" she said. "How can you lock me out? After all we've been through? Why, Sev? Aren't we friends?"

He turned away and pulled a pillow over his head. Her words still rang in his mind. How could he do this to her? How many ways could he destroy her in one lifetime?

"Best friends?" she asked.

_Voldemort stood and walked to the roaring fire, his back turned to Severus. "We discovered that the Potters and the Longbottoms both have sons who were born as the seventh month died. The Prophecy must refer to one of them, as both sets of parents have been instrumental in our worst defeats."_

_Severus felt a pinprick of panic in his gut._

_"My lord," he took a deeper breath than normal. "It must be the Longbottoms' son. They're Pureblood. Nothing less could be deemed a potential threat to a wizard such as you."_

_The Dark Lord faced Severus, but his expression was shadowed as the light from the fire radiated behind him. "Ah, Severus," he said. "Never underestimate a Half-Blood. It may be difficult for Purebloods such as us to understand their mindset but…" he turned back to the fire, "they can be cunning."_

"Don't you love me?" She was hysterical now. "Don't you love me as much as I love you? I would do anything for you, Severus. Anything!"

_Now the panic rose up to Severus's throat. "I seriously doubt James Potter could produce a child who was remotely intelligent enough to go wand to wand with you."_

_"But his wife," Voldemort said as he swiftly walked to Severus to study Severus's face. "She was always an exceptional witch, wasn't she? You said she was your equal in Potions. I know what you are capable of so I can only imagine her talent."_

_Severus took a step back. "You truly believe it is her son?"_

_Voldemort nodded._

_"What…what will you do to them?"_

_The Dark Lord's smile was devoid of joy. "Find out where they are hiding, hunt them down, and kill them, of course."_

This was the only way, he thought for the millionth time in the past two months, I didn't have a choice. His inner monologue continued over well-worn justifications.

Lily had stopped yelling. Her voice was calmer but no less dangerous.

"It would be so good, Sev," she purred. "You know that it would be soooo good."

_Severus stood frozen as Voldemort went back to sit by the fire, plans whirring in his mind about how to get to the Potters. To Lily._

_"You may go, Severus," Voldemort said with a flick of his bony white hand. "Thank you for your information. Despite your young age, you continue to be of invaluable service to me. Perhaps my greatest servant."_

_But Severus did not exit. Instead, to Voldmort's surprise, he approached and knelt._

_"My lord," he began and bowed his head. "If you appreciate all that I have done in your service, may I humbly make one request?"_

_The Dark Lord was curious. "You may."_

_Severus did not raise his head. "If you only need to take the life of the son, please spare the life of Lily Ev – Potter." He tried to control his breathing but it came out shallow._

It would be good, he thought. He allowed himself another look at the door, at her shadow. It would be…ecstasy. But no, he couldn't.

"You're sick," he said aloud but not to her. He began to harden.

_"Severus, I was beginning to think you had no weaknesses I could exploit." Leaning back in his chair, the master laughed at the servant. "But how can I let one of my foes survive and not expect her to take revenge? I'll hazard a guess that my killing of her family will not sit well with Mrs. Potter."_

_Severus steeled himself before he looked into Voldemort's eyes. "I will keep her. There are potions and spells I can use to…to control her."_

_He fought his mind, which wanted to race with thoughts of her…her green eyes, her laugh. Severus wrestled it down, as he observed Voldemort in contemplation. He felt his mind being invaded yet he placed undetectable barriers wherever the Dark Lord tried to enter._

_"I do not love her." Severus mustered all the anger he had felt towards her over the years, all the pain from her soul-crushing rejection. He needed it there in his voice. "I want to make her suffer. Suffer for her arrogance, thinking that she, a Mudblood, was too good for me."_

_At this, Voldemort appeared less wary. "Fine. You may have your reward."_

He had contributed to the death of her husband and her son. Now, thanks to the strongest love potions, spells that disoriented their victim, and weekly scrubbings of memories, he had reduced her to this pathetic state.

A crash caused him to leap from his bed and run to the door. When he opened it, he found Lily grabbing a shard of glass from a mirror that she apparently smashed with a chair; she turned the shard towards her chest. Her gorgeous almond-shaped eyes were red and puffy with tears, and she wore a green nightgown made of thin fabric. He had given it to her when she first arrived to Spinner's End.

"I'll do it," she yelled. "Let me in or I'll do it. I can't stand being apart from you, I just can't."

For half his life he dreamed of her falling in love with him. However, this was a caricature of his fantasies. It mocked all he had ever felt for her that was genuine and true.

"Don't," he whispered. "I'll let you come in."

Her face broke out into a smile. He couldn't help but return it and she opened her hand to let the glass clatter to the floor. He grasped her now empty hand and led her into the bedroom.

He sat down on the edge of the bed in his room where they had played as children. Lily pulled the nightgown over her head, revealing her stunning, nude body; it never failed to drive him mad. She squeezed her full breasts together as she rubbed her erect nipples between her fingers. He let a moan escape and leaned back to unbutton his trousers. Just this once, he thought. Just once more…

She leaned in to kiss him, and he was right: it was ecstasy.

_Relief washed over Severus, and he exhaled as he lowered his head again. "Thank you, my lord. Your wisdom and benevolence knows no bounds." Severus stood and gave a bow before he turned to leave. He wanted to run for the door but made sure his gait was the same stride and clip._

_"Severus," Voldemort said. He was staring into the fire when Severus turned around, as if he was remembering something from long ago. "A word of advice for when you receive your pretty prize."_

_"Yes, my Lord?"_

_"Never fool yourself into thinking that all the potions and spells in the world will actually make her fall in love with you over time. If you stop forcing her to submit, I _will_ kill her."_

_Severus nodded. Again, he shielded his thoughts despite the rage that threatened to boil to the surface. There was no time for anger; now he had to save the life of the only woman he ever loved, no matter the price either of them had to pay._

This is the _last_ time, he thought as tears came to his eyes. I promise I won't do this again, Lily. "This time…I mean it," he said to her sleeping figure, but he held her body so close and tight that his fingers left deep and dark bruises.


End file.
